May 2013
1 post
12:30PM
Me: Hello? Hi!?
Lee: Oh… hello?
Me: how are you?
Lee: I am good, how are you?
Me: I was callin… I was callin because I wanted to know when you’d be around, so grab my summer shorts, etc.
Lee: grab what?
Me: My shorts, etc, that I forgot to pack, when I left. I mean, you didn’t throw that stuff away, right?
Lee: no, it’s still here. I didn’t touch any of...
April 2013
2 posts
A123
About a week ago, I ran across an old boss of mine on LinkedIn. I actually invited him out to dinner to really catch up the last 4 years of our lives. I told him that we should meet up at Park St station, at the Boston Commons this Friday and decide then… where should we go?
It was about 4:52pm that Friday evening and I noticed him immediately.
::he hasn’t changed a bit::
My phone...
...and then I cried.
Today was another ordinary Saturday. It was ordinary, like most Saturdays I tend to run errands, do chores, etc. I had planned to get my haircut about 2pm, but as 4:30pm approached and I was on my 3rd load washing, 2 load drying, I soon realized that wasn’t going to be possible.
It was about 6:59 and I was completely done with the laundry. My mother had come home, from school and quickly...
March 2013
1 post
Dear Future:
Dear Future Love:
I have a few things that we need to discuss and in order for our future to coincide, you need to know a few things upfront.
1. be free and clear of past relationships
The last love broke me because he was broken himself due to past hurt. Please do everything in your power to heal from the hurt and move past the betrayals.
Every new love or future love aren’t bent on...
February 2013
5 posts
…my old thoughts, are all inbound, never an outbound.
Lost
Today was the worst day I’ve had since, Lee broke up with me. On this day the world celebrates…
::the little bastard::
It’s not bad enough that I’m trying to deal with the loss of my relationship, that everyone else indulges and beams about their significant other.
::I think I’m going to puke::
I’ve been recently undergoing training, for a recent...
The Letter
The last few days I’ve been writing this - letter to Lee. The purpose of it hasn’t yet revealed itself to me. The letter ins’t an angry letter of hatred or ill feelings, more so of, reminiscing on what he meant to me.
::sigh::
Everyone was initially worried that I somehow was going to mail this letter. My thoughts were and if I was, that’s MY business. MINE. MY BUSINESS.
...
January 2013
3 posts
86th [goodnight] - Part II
::Response from my mother via email::
Rose: So, I realize that we all have different maturity levels - for instance even though Joe is younger than me he was more mature than Ken who was 10 years older than me - he knew what I needed and set about doing the things that would “lock him” into me.
In Lee’s case how you describe the situation going down he was deflecting to you...
Why Does It Hurt So Bad?
Ever since the break up I find that I put up the front, that I am… Okay. In fact that’s not even the truth. I recently read something that was honest:
I cry. I cry when nobody is watching. I cry, before falling asleep. I cry, in the middle of the night, when I wake up to realize I am alone, in a bed that I’m not longer sharing with Lee.
Most nights I wake up, around 2 or 3am,...
86th [good night]
I woke up to the TV glare and Bugs Bunny begging for his cable television to be turned on. My eyes remained closed and I just tossed and turned in the bed. I laid awake, shortly, after 6:30am, watching the TV. From the corner of my eye I watched Lee. Something was wrong. He hadn’t slept. I woke up a few times to him playing with his Kindle Fire HD. Whatever was wrong I couldn’t tell,...
December 2012
3 posts
Midtown Sundries. Thrice.
Rose: “How about this? Miami is nice, so I’ll say it thrice.”
Dorothy: “Right. Who the hell says thrice?”
Rose: “It’s a word.”
Dorothy: “So is intrauterine. It doesn’t belong in a song.”
Rose: “Miami. You’re cuter than an intrauterine.”
:: Flash forward::
Quan: WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?
I grabbed my...
Midtown Sundries, Too.
My pastor was unmoved. I watched him as my nylon foot slid up and down inside his wide leg slacks. My toes caressed his ankle, shin and calf, pulling his sock down with my toes.
::React. Come on. React::
My nylon foot pulled inside his wide leg slacks, towards me. I kept tying to look like I was being sneaky or up to something for Quan to notice.
::Nothing::
I continued on for ten minutes to...
Midtown Sundries
It was Superbowl Sunday. At that time, our church pastor had invited me and Quan, along with the men from church, to watch the Carolina Panthers against The New England Patriots.
I wasn’t, at that time, much of a sports fan, nor did I care if the Carolina Panthers won or lost to The Patriots.
I hadn’t been feeling good and me and Quan, as always had an argument about his infidelity...
October 2012
2 posts
He Watches Me
Nurse: Jordan? Mr. Quiñones? Wake up honey.
Me: Mmmm. Where? Where am I?
Nurse: Your procedure is done.
Me: Mmm.
Nurse: you’ll be alright. I’ll let you rest. The anesthesia will wear off soon. Let’s get you propped up.
She shifted the head of my bed upward.
Nurse: Do you need to pass gas?
Me: yes.
Nurse: then, lay on your side and relax.
Me: what did they find?
Nurse:...
Rock Hill... The Series [continuation]
Me: LET ME GO!
Quan: NO!
Quan held me down on the floor. His weight on me, holding both of my arms to my frame. Unable to fight him off me.
Me: I’M LEAVING YOU. I HATE THIS PLACE. I HATE YOU. I FUCKING HATE YOUR FAT ASS!!!
It got quiet.
Quan: ::calm low voice:: you better wise up, you little bitch. you’re not leaving this place, you’re not leaving me and you love this fat...
September 2012
3 posts
The Quitessential Bottom Handbook →
Rock Hill... the series
Quan: J. OPEN THE GOTDAMN DOOR. OPEN THE FUCKING DOOR RIGHT NOW!!!
Me: ::silence::
Quan: I’M GOING TO FUCKING KICK THE DOOR IN. LET ME IN YOU LITTLE BITCH!!!
Me: NO! LEAVE ME ALONE YOU CHEATING CRAZY BASTARD!!!
Quan: JUST OPEN THE DOOR!!!!
Quan proceeded to thrust his frame into the door. I noticed the frame cracking from the constant ramming. I grabbed the phone and dialed...
Rock Hill
In 2002 I found myself in Charlotte, North Carolina. The reasons as to how aren’t important. Where I worked or what school I went to, don’t matter either. The period between 2002-2004 needs to be told. I met someone purely accidental. The meeting was somewhat set up, also.
::Flash Back::
Ty: just call Quan tomorrow and see if you can hang out with him. He’s a nice guy and I’m sure will show you...
August 2012
1 post
White Lines Down This Road: Skinnies Chucks &... →
cokelines:
It’s Friday night and the rain is coming. I smelled it this morning, but didn’t want to say anything because I wanted you to wear those white shorts you sometimes wear when we go out of town and nobody knows you. “Those are too casual for casual Friday,” you said. The rain’s coming and you…
July 2012
3 posts
“Human misery is too great for men to do without faith.”
– Heinrich Heine
Passion
One evening I was laying in bed editing a video on Délonte.
::name if my Macbook Pro::
It was a Sunday afternoon. I laid naked in bed. Being with Lee, he made me comfortable with my body. He made me feel sexy.
I heard him walking down the hallway into the bedroom, where I was located. I steadily continued working.
Lee: What are you doin?
Me: Editing, almost done.
Lee: Oh okay. Excuse me.
...
1%
Recently, I’d been tweeting about how grateful I was for employment, 401K plans, Blue Cross Blue Shield health insurance and wonderful life insurance policy.
:: @_ProfessorX :: make sure you follow
Except, as much as I praise and thank God for employment, at times, I question when met with anguish. I’ll explain.
A month ago, I had applied for a member research representative at...
June 2012
4 posts
Black Out
Sometimes relationships aren’t pretty. The times they are, where it feels like 72 degrees. Sun shining. Wind breeze blowing the curtains free, as you both lay in bed, naked, intertwined.
Joy. Happiness.
This recount is about the good, sappiness of love. It’s about when it’s not.
::shit get real::
Me: Hi! I’d like to place an order.
Asian man: how may I help you?
Me:...
I Miss You
After the last blow up with Lee. Everything was better than ever. Recently he had to go away again for work and he’d be gone a week. I wasn’t sure how I was doing to be able to sleep through the night without fear of rolling over into a bed and him not laying beside me.
The problem is never about not being able to survive without your counterpart. It’s trying to remember how you...
Betrayal 2
The tears started welling up in my eyes. I was so heart broken. It was all over in just those moments. It was all done. He stared at me. Waiting for a response.
Me: so just like that you want to throw it all way?
My voice was quivering. The sorrow started to sink in.
Me: I didn’t matter to you at all.
He came close to the bed.
Lee: I didn’t state that. I just think this is best....
Betrayal
It was Sunday, somewhat after 5pm. I was watching The Client’s List when the front door, started to turn. I got up to unlock it and slowly back away from the door. Waiting. The door swung open and there he stood, looking at me. Absolutely happy to me.
It was Lee.
He came in, throw his back pack, suit case down, closed the door behind, walked up to me grabbed my waist and kissed me. His...
May 2012
3 posts
Prequel: 2 hearts.
Me: what are you lookin’ at?
Ceddie: you?
Me: what about me?
Ceddie: I can’t believe you’re in my car and that I can touch you, smell you and just talk to you.
Me: I know. I’m excited about this weekend, too. It’s been a long time coming.
Ceddie: It really has.
I stare out the green ford countour passenger side window and watch the trees pass by as we ride down...
Man In Blue
My bed was my sanctuary. It was the only comforting object within my life. I could hear the drops against my window panes.
::I am NOT going outside. It’s not fit for a dog::
I throw the blanket over my head, barely, poking my face out. Suddenly a knock at the door.
Me: Hello?
::maybe it’s just my imagination::
I lay back down and roll over, facing the wall, tracing a heart a...
Secrets
We tripped into each other as we head out of the hotel.
::kind of lucky where on 28th street though::
Lee: where’s this… place?
Me: 29th street.
Lee: It’s not far then?
Me: I showed you earlier remember. That building overhead?
Lee: Uh no.
Me: Uh yeah, the post office?
Lee: Oh yeah.
Me: Yup.
He bumps into me purposely.
Lee: don’t get smart with me punk.
Me:...
April 2012
6 posts
Tyrone. Call him.
It was cold and rainy that night of the Mocha Gay Pride Boat Cruise that summer of 2010. The waves were choppy.
::thank God I don’t get sea sick::
The boat sped along on the harbor and I tried to remain out of the inner homo circles that clumped together on both the upper and lower levels of the boat cruise. Lijah introduced me to his friend Kendal.
Kendall was about 5’6 and...
Dallas BBQ's
Eric: I’m in bed. I’m not going out.
I put the phone down.
Me: Well, guess it’s just me and you babe. I want to take you to my favorite spot. Dallas BBQ’s. I’m starvin’.
Lee: Me, too, lead the way.
We both grab our coats and head from the hotel towards 6 Ave in Chelsea. The night is crisp and slightly dark, but you can see the Empire State building grow...
9-1-1
It was Monday, two days after Aaron had told me about her and she being pregnant with his child.
I hadn’t bathed nor has anything to eat. I laid in bed with such devastation. Heartbreak. Pain. Death was welcomed into my home. As I no longer wanted to live with the agony, Aaron had left me with.
My Blackberry was ringing off the hook, along with my doorbell. I could hear Michael, Shawna and...
Alternate Universe
I woke up the next day. Quietly. I laid - unmoving. The curtains blew in a delicious summery, yet flowery breeze. I watched Aaron, wrapped in the blanket. Like a child, like an innocent, I needed to protect. Yet, who was going to protect me, from him? Again?
::I use to love this man::
I started to relive when things started to change. The pill, that I’ve yet to swallow to this day.
Me:...
All Aboard!
I located an empty train car, while Lee on my heels, and stopped. I nodded to the seats and he grabbed my suitcase and placed it in the above seat luggage compartment, followed by his bag, I moved to the side and he took the window seat. I grabbed my duffel bag, with my Kindle and Droid charger and placed it next to my suitcase and plopped down in the seat.
Me: Whew!
Lee: I know.
Me: I...
I Hate 'Cho Ass!
Me: What the hell do you want Aaron!?
Aaron: I just wanna talk to you.
Me: No. Leave. Get the fuck outta here.
I step forward and push him towards the open front door. He wraps his arms around me and grips me hard.
Aaron: no, no, no. you gonna listen to me today.
I start screaming.
Me: Let me go! Let me go you fuckin bastard! I hate ‘cho ass! I hate you. I HATE YOU.
He grips me harder...
March 2012
5 posts
FuGakyu
Japanese woman: Welcome to FuGakyu! how many please?
Lee: 2.
Japanese man: The time will be about 45 minutes. OK?
Lee turns towards me.
Lee: that okay?
Me: that’s fine. I can wait.
He turns back around and I walk off admiring what my vision soaks in everything around me. It’s a 2 floor eatery. Old style, traditional Japanese bamboo plants, furniture, private sections with sliding...
It's Over Now
Things were going so well between Jabari and myself. In hindsight, I should’ve know when it all seems to perfect. It’s probably not.
One morning we both were in bed, I noticed how he seemed less disengaged with me. He didn’t kiss me. He didn’t hold on to me, at night, while we slept. He didn’t rub my feet. His attitude turned sour and became negative 90% of the time...
Sleeping Naked.
I was… amazed.
The standing closet. The Bed. The bureau. ALL Ikea.
Lee: which side of the bed do you prefer?
Me: It doesn’t really matter to me.
Lee: well… pick a side?
Me: Om, okay then.
I walk to left side of the bed, pulling off my jeans and t shirt and pulled the comforter and bed sheet forward. I slid into bed, facing the window and looking at the night stand alarm...
grindr. G-R-I-N-D-R. grindr.
With my duffel bag in hand, I slowly walk to the curb and see him across the street in the Jeep.
Waiting.
I knock on the glass window, he unlocks the doors. The back seat door opens and I throw my bag in the back seat. Quickly closing it and hopping in the passenger side door. Not looking yet at him still, I grab the seat belt, turn to him and smile.
Me: Hey!
Him: Hey you!
I smile.
Him:...
grindr
Him: you up?
Me: yeah, I went to bed now I’m wide awake. Why are you up?
Him: can’t sleep. You’ve been on my mind all day.
Me: all day, uh?
Him: pretty much.
I roll over in bed and I try to close my eyes. Absolutely no help. My phone goes off.
Him: you still up?
Me: yeah. I’ll be up for awhile now.
Him: listen, you wanna spend the weekend with me? I can’t stop...
February 2012
7 posts
Matthew
After Janelle dropped the carpet eating bomb on me I ventured back home to Claybourne St. Stunned. How could I have no thought she was also, like me, trying to figure out who she was. She seemed more assertive and secure in her realization of who she was. I was still… questioning.
When I arrived home my brother Marcus greeted at the door. I was slightly taken aback.
Me: What?
Ma: Some...
Holy War Aftermath
The ambulance siren blared up and down the street and the commotion soon quieted. Jabari stood behind me rubbing his hands up and down my arms.
Jabari: It’s iight babe. She was conscious. Lucky o dude was able to explain to his crew without drama witchu so, you good.
Me: ::silent::
Jabari: Let’s go up-
I cut him off by raising my fingers to his lips.
Me: I’ll be right up,...
“And in the end, it’s not the years in your life that count. It’s the...”
– Abraham Lincoln
Walk of Shame
After the meeting was over at B.A.G.L.Y, I quickly headed for the door, I heard my name being called out, but it was too late. I flew through the door, past the common area, up the stairs, to the door way and up the street. My heart was racing so fast, and my legs wouldn’t stop.
When I reached Park St station [red/green line of the MBTA] I paused. I gasped for a moment for air and then I...
Janelle
In 1997 I was a high school student at West Roxbury High School, in West Roxbury, MA. A part of Boston with many Jewish, Greek & retired Anglo Saxan’s lived.
[if you’re unsure what Anglo Saxan means… GOOGLE]
I digress.
I was 17 years old and sort of discovering my sexuality or rather I was confused by who I was becoming. The fact was I had no real friends and no one old...
...continuation of the A!
8:50am
I glanced at my watch, while sitting on the stoop of my apartment building. I had quickly showered, ironed something to be sexy cute in, dressed and hurried downstairs awaiting him.
8:55am
The door flung opened behind me.
Voice: what are you doing home? no work.
I laughed. It was my landlord Jean. He tried too hard, not to show his Haitian Creole mannerism and pretend he was just...
January 2012
18 posts
Holy War
Me: Keep driving.
Jabari: Why?
Me: Please!
Jabari: babe, I gotta pee, we can go somewhere else-
He fell silent. The air had already changed within the car because he knew what I was trying to avoid. The argument between Aaron and She-Ra the mother of his child, in front of the apartment and the shouting match was loud, to say the least.
Her: WHAT THE FUCK AM I SUPPOSE TO DO WITHOUT YOU? WHAT...
