Me: Hello? Hi!?

Lee: Oh… hello?

Me: how are you?

Lee: I am good, how are you?

Me: I was callin… I was callin because I wanted to know when you’d be around, so grab my summer shorts, etc.

Lee: grab what?

Me: My shorts, etc, that I forgot to pack, when I left. I mean, you didn’t throw that stuff away, right?

Lee: no, it’s still here. I didn’t touch any of it. When did you want to come by and grab it?

Me: sometime this week. the weather has been getting warmer and I don’t have any of my summery clothes here.

Lee: okay. well, you just need to let me know when, long as you don’t act crazy.

Me: ::silent::

Lee: Hello?

Me: Hi, yeah, I’m here. I actually wanted to ask you, did you get my email?

Lee: which email?

Me: the email I sent around the same time I sent you a text.

Lee: yeah I got it.

Me: and you didn’t respond, um okay.

Lee: I don’t know what you want me to say.

Me: I sent you the email to let you know that despite how everything went down, I still care for you a great deal. I am not mad, angry, upset with you. I feel like everything happens for a reason. I never would be in this place of my life, as of right now.

When you told me it was… over, at the same time at work, I was turned down the position, practically promised to me. It was a double edge sword, stabbed in my heart and in the back.

I couldn’t get any air, nor any rest to deal with both sides of professional and personal life.

I fell into depression and sought therapy and now things are looking up. I’ve gotten a job offer, which is pending, making good money and I’m going to move out of Boston, altogether. 

My mother is happy and she’s been my rock through all of this. I wanted you to know that I’m not broken and that you didn’t break me. This made me strong for this moment, right now, being able to share these things with you and not have any malice in my mouth or in my heart.

There’s things I wish I told you, like the procedure, where they will have to cut me open to remove the worts from within, that’s been causing all the bleeding. I wanted to tell you before but I was too scared.

Lee: I’m really happy for you. I am proud of you for working so hard to get through, everything. You also know, I would’ve been there for you, regardless.

I am fine. I am still… alone and taking care of my health, getting back into the gym and being in therapy to heal. I am content in being in this space. I am learning to love myself.

::silence::

Me: You know… I am here if you need me. I can still be your friend. We can talk about whatever. We can catch a movie or grab dinner and it not mean anything, but 2 friends hanging out. I know you’re lonely and I know you’ve had previous situations that didnt really allow you to have many friends and I just want you to know that I am here for you. 

I can be a friend, if you let me. My mother told me that sometimes real love, means letting go, to grow and change to become a better and greater love in the future.

Down the road you may call me and tell me you want to try again. I may call you. I’m going through this stage, only for the better of me and I can appreciate you now, for what you did for me, so thank you.

Lee: I am fine tho, I mean, that’s great that you would want to be there for me. I have some friends and I work at night now and just stuff with army, and drills and looking to travel, so I am okay. Maybe someday, I’ll meet someone who gets it. truly gets me and is strong enough to be able to deal with me.

I don’t think it could happen, there’s this thing that I think wouldn’t work and I can’t deal with that.

Me: I understand that, I do. I just want you to be happy, ultimately, that’s all that matters to me. 

What are you doing today?

Lee: I have to get a bulb for the bedroom, and I’m having  hard time finding one.

Me: really? sorry. I would suggest Lowe’s  since it’s more upscale with light fixtures, than with DIY Home Depot.

Lee: I was just think about that, I was going that way anyway, to look at some paint. I have a co worker who paints and looking or an estimate to paint the condo.

Me: that would be great. a welcome change is always best. I definitely don’t want to keep you. I just wanted you know I was good and happy and in a better place and I thought about you because I missed being able to do things with, on the non relationship side of us.

Going to an event or restaurant, just enjoying each other’s company. I mean you’re a smart, attractive man and the conversations are what I missed about our relationship. I find it hard to be able to share myself with people, about the good/bad things.

I have my moms, but that’s not the same, at all.

Lee: I understand that and get it. I kinda do solo for the most part.

Me: are you… happy?

Lee: I am… okay. Happy is subjetive.

::Mmmm::

Lee: did you say something?

Me: no, no. I just was acknowledging what you had said, that’s all. I don’t want to keep you, so I’m going to let you go. It’s going to be thunderstorms later and-

Lee: yeah, so, I saw too and I want to head back before it gets bad out.

Me: right, I was going to take photographs for the portfolio, but it’s not going to happen. Oh, that’s another time, I’ve started getting my photography underway to get the business going. I started with a hair show last weekend and I’ve added a few to the portfolio on Tumblr. I’ll send you the link.

Lee: that’s cool. I appreciate it. So, the camera is working out? 

Me: yes, it’s good for now. I will need the professional camera I needed for events, etc. My barber let me use one for the hair show. it has an attached light fixture, to it, and I need something like that definitely. The camera you gave me, is definitely an outdoor type.

Lee: oh okay.

Me: let me let you go, I keep going on and on.

Lee: It’s okay.

Me: well, enjoy your day Lee and know that if you ever just wanted to, you know, just talk, I am here for you.

Lee: Okay, thank you.

Me: I’ll talk to you later. Bye.

Lee: talk you later, too., bye.